By Dr Jonathan Haverkampf · Adult English resources · Version 1.1 · 26 October 2026
Sometimes a few words are enough to begin. Choose the part that fits your day: an appointment, an ordinary conversation, dating, or supporting someone. You can read one section and leave the rest.
Free to read and download worldwide. No account, appointment or form is needed.
Choose a useful format
When getting help isn’t straightforward offers questions for when privacy, company or communication make getting support difficult. Read it online or choose its separate one-page sheet:
- When getting help isn’t straightforward – A4 PDF (1 page, 62 KB)
- When getting help isn’t straightforward – US Letter PDF (1 page, 62 KB)
Is this helping? is an online guide added on 3 November 2026. It is not included in the printable pack below.
The complete pack has five pages. Each conversation section is one page; you can print only the page you want. The short appointment sheet is one page with three prompts. All are in English. Read one prompt at your own pace; there is no completion target.
- Complete communication pack – A4 PDF (5 pages, 85 KB)
- Complete communication pack – US Letter PDF (5 pages, 85 KB)
- Short appointment sheet – A4 PDF (1 page, 74 KB)
- Short appointment sheet – US Letter PDF (1 page, 74 KB)
The web text works with browser zoom and reading tools. If available on your device, use the page’s Listen to this page control. Voice availability and pronunciation vary. For a screen reader, choose this webpage; the PDFs have selectable text but are not tagged for screen-reader navigation.
For stress resources in other languages, including audio exercises in selected languages, see WHO: Doing What Matters in Times of Stress. These are WHO’s own resources, separate from our English communication prompts.
A little preparation for an appointment
You do not need a perfect explanation to ask for help. Choose one prompt, leave the rest, or show these words to a qualified professional.
An opening you could use
"I have been finding things difficult. I may need a moment to explain. Could we start with what is affecting me most?"
One concern I want to mention
What has changed, when did it begin, and how is everyday life affected? A few words or one example is enough. (S1)
One question I want answered
For example: "What are my options, and what might the next step involve?" You can ask about costs, waiting times and lower-cost local support.
What would help me communicate?
You might ask for more time, an interpreter, a quieter setting, written information or a trusted companion. Ask what is available. You can request time alone and ask about confidentiality and its limits. (S1)
Before we finish
"Could we write down the plan, when to review it, and whom I should contact if things get worse?"
Optional private notes only. A shared device or printer may expose them. Nothing needs to be completed or submitted before you seek help. See support and sources below.
When getting help isn’t straightforward
Getting help can be hard enough without having to work out where to speak, who could come with you, or how to explain what you need. You can start by telling the service about the part that is getting in the way.
If you don’t have somewhere private
You may share your home or worry about being overheard.
“I’d like to talk, but I don’t have somewhere private. Could we discuss another way or time?”
Ask what arrangements are possible. Headphones won’t stop someone nearby hearing your side of the conversation. 1, 2
If nobody can come with you
“Does this appointment require someone to come with me? I don’t have anyone available. What options can we discuss?”
You may simply want some company. If you’ve been asked to bring someone for medical or safety reasons and nobody is available, let the service know beforehand. You can talk through what might be possible.
If another way of communicating would help
“I find it easier to explain things in writing. Is there a safe way to send a short note?”
You can also ask about an interpreter, more time, a quieter setting or written information. Ask how to send your note privately. You could also ask, “When might I hear back?” 1, 2
If a suggestion hasn’t worked for you
“I’ve tried that, but I’m still finding this difficult. Could we think about another option?”
Or you may already know that cost, travel, caring responsibilities or access to technology would make a suggestion hard to manage. It’s okay to say so. You can ask whether there’s another way that would work better for you. 3
A little support with the next step
Talking with someone you trust or a qualified mental health professional can be very helpful. You might ask someone to sit with you while you contact a service. If nobody is available, you can say that too. Anxiety can make it harder to get in touch, even when you know what you want to say. 4
If someone is making you feel unsafe, you can seek independent professional or specialist support. You don’t have to raise the concern with that person first. Choose a way of getting in touch that is safe for you. 5
If you need help urgently, please don’t wait for a message back. Contact a local urgent care or crisis service. If you’re in immediate danger, have a medical emergency or feel unable to keep yourself safe, call your local emergency services or go to the nearest emergency department now. You deserve care and support when things feel this difficult.
One-page sheet
Keep a few helpful questions to hand: download the A4 sheet or download the US Letter sheet. Each is one page. This is a separate sheet, outside the five-page pack.
Read the one-page sheet here
You may want support but have nowhere private to talk, nobody to come with you, or difficulty explaining what you need. These are real difficulties. Here are a few words you can borrow, if they help.
When privacy is difficult
“I’d like to talk, but I don’t have somewhere private. Could we discuss another way or time?”
Ask the service what arrangements are possible. Headphones alone won’t keep your side of a conversation private.
When nobody can come with you
“Does this appointment require someone to come with me? I don’t have anyone available. What options can we discuss?”
If you’ve been asked to bring someone for medical or safety reasons and nobody is available, let the service know beforehand. You can talk through what might be possible.
When another way of communicating would help
“I find it easier to explain things in writing. Is there a safe way to send a short note?”
You can also ask about an interpreter, more time or a quieter setting. If you send a note, you could ask, “When might I hear back?”
When a suggestion doesn’t fit
“I’ve tried that, but I’m still finding this difficult. Could we think about another option?”
If cost, travel, caring responsibilities or technology make something hard to manage, it’s okay to say so. You can ask whether there’s another way that would work better for you.
Talking with someone you trust or a qualified mental health professional can be very helpful. If nobody is available, you can tell the service that too. Anxiety can make it harder to get in touch, even when you know what you want to say.
If someone makes you feel unsafe, you can seek independent professional or specialist support. Choose a safe way to get in touch; you don’t have to speak to that person first.
If you need help urgently, please don’t wait for a message back. Contact a local urgent care or crisis service. If you’re in immediate danger, have a medical emergency or feel unable to keep yourself safe, call your local emergency services or go to the nearest emergency department now. You deserve care and support when things feel this difficult.
General information, not a substitute for professional care.
Sources: US HHS; CAMH, Canada; Healthdirect, CCI and 1800RESPECT, Australia. Checked 4 November 2026.
Free to read. Unchanged blank printed copies may be passed on with the website address intact so others can find more free information. All rights reserved.
© 2026 Dr Jonathan Haverkampf
jonathanhaverkampf.com
Sources and further reading
Sources checked 4 November 2026. This is general information, not an individual assessment or treatment plan. Service arrangements vary by place and provider.
1. US Department of Health and Human Services: Telehealth Privacy and Security Tips for Patients. Privacy around devices and conversations, and asking about communication support.
2. Healthdirect, Australia: Virtual care clinics. Telling a provider when privacy is difficult and discussing communication needs. The page describes Australian services; arrangements elsewhere may differ.
3. Centre for Clinical Interventions, Australia: Assertiveness. Expressing a need clearly and respectfully.
4. Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, Canada: Stress. Support from trusted people and healthcare professionals.
5. 1800RESPECT, Australia: Safety planning. Individual circumstances, safe contact and support when there is abuse or violence. Its service is Australian; seek an appropriate service where you live.
More free support and reading
Added 5 November 2026.
Is this helping? Words for reviewing therapy or counselling
Perhaps you’ve been going to sessions for a while and find yourself wondering, “Is this helping?” You might feel understood, yet still be unsure what is changing. Or there may be something you want to say but haven’t quite found the words. (S6, S12)
Therapy and counselling are services that are meant to help you: to bring about meaningful change, help you work towards your own goals, and improve your quality of life and well-being. It’s reasonable to ask how that is going. Your experience of the sessions, and of life between them, matters. (S7, S11, S12, S13)
You don’t need to have decided what comes next before you raise a question. Some things may be helping while others need to change. One of these might be a place to begin:
- “Could we talk about what I’m hoping for and whether we’re getting there?”
- “There’s something that would make the sessions easier for me. Could we talk about it?”
- “I’d like some help understanding my options before I decide what to do.”
You can use your own words, show a sentence on your phone, bring a note or send it before the session. “I’m not sure yet” is a perfectly good starting point. There is no need to work through everything here.
What would you like to be different?
“What would useful progress look like for me, and when could we check in about it?”
“I’m not sure I explained myself very well last time. Could we go back to that for a moment?”
Feeling understood and seeing a direction both matter. You might hope to spend less time worrying, feel more at ease in a relationship or get back to something you enjoy. You may also need help working out what you want to change. You don’t have to arrive with a neatly defined goal; finding one can be part of the conversation. (S7, S11, S12)
Progress can take time, and it may not be steady. Even so, it is worth looking together at what is improving, what remains difficult and whether the work is moving towards what matters to you. If therapy isn’t bringing benefit, or you are feeling worse, raise this promptly with your therapist or another qualified professional. You can ask what might need to change and whether a different approach or kind of support would help. (S6, S11, S12, S13)
Making the sessions more manageable
The practical side matters too. Cost, timing, language, access needs or the pace of the sessions can make a real difference to how manageable therapy feels. You can ask what is possible, even if you’re unsure what the answer will be. (S6, S7)
“The cost is getting difficult for me. Are there any options we could look at?”
“Could we slow down a little? I need more time to take this in.”
“I’m finding that task hard to fit into my week. Could we make it smaller, or try something else?”
“Could you write that down for me, so I can think about it afterwards?”
Different services can offer different adjustments. Before the conversation ends, you might ask: “What have we agreed to try, and when will we see how it’s going?” (S6, S7)
When something doesn’t feel right
You may want help making sense of an experience before deciding what to do about it. You can seek independent information at any stage. Talking with your therapist or the service may help, but you don’t have to begin there if it feels unsafe or too difficult. Concerns about respect, boundaries or confidentiality deserve attention; you don’t have to set them aside as a misunderstanding. (S9, S16)
The appropriate place to ask depends on where you received therapy and the therapist’s profession. Their registration or professional membership can help you find the right route.
Where to raise a concern: Ireland, UK, United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and elsewhere
- Ireland: IACP’s complaints information explains its process for accredited and pre-accredited members, including when an organisation’s own procedure must come first. (S10)
- UK: BACP’s counselling-concerns service offers information about difficulties in therapy. It is separate from the formal complaints process concerning BACP members. (S9)
- United States: for concerns about a licensed mental health professional, the relevant state licensing board depends on their profession. ASPPB lists psychology licensing boards. For other professions, NAMI suggests searching for “licensing board” with the type of professional and the state. A community mental health agency may also have its own complaints process and options for seeing a different provider. (S14)
- Canada: for a psychologist, contact the regulator in the province or territory where you received care; the Canadian Psychological Association lists them. Other therapists may come under a different regulator, such as the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario, or a professional association. (S15)
- Australia: Ahpra explains concerns about registered health practitioners, including psychologists, with different arrangements in New South Wales and Queensland. Counselling and psychotherapy are not professions registered by Ahpra. Check whether the therapist belongs to PACFA or the Australian Counselling Association, or ask your state or territory health complaints organisation about the right route. These organisations also handle concerns about fees, records or the level of service. (S16)
- New Zealand: the Health and Disability Commissioner takes concerns about health and disability services. The free Nationwide Advocacy Service can help you understand your options and raise a concern. (S17)
- Elsewhere: the service’s complaints information, a relevant professional body or a regulator may help you find the right route. Where available, an independent patient adviser can help you work out whom to contact.
Each organisation has limits on whom and what it can consider. Asking how a process works does not mean you have decided to make a formal complaint. Before sharing personal details, ask how the information would be used and whether it could be shared with the therapist. You might also want someone you trust alongside you. (S9, S15)
If you feel threatened, coerced or abused, seek safe, independent professional or specialist support. You do not have to confront the person involved. This page cannot assess what happened or decide whether professional standards were breached.
Taking care when pausing or ending therapy
You may feel ready to finish, need a break or want a different kind of help. Whatever the reason, your safety and any continuing need for support matter.
“I’m thinking about changing or ending therapy. Could we talk about how to do that safely and what support I might need?”
Talk through a planned pause or ending with your therapist or another qualified clinician before making changes. This is especially important if stopping or reducing sessions could put you at risk. Avoid an abrupt change without clinical advice; a clinician should assess the risks with you and help arrange appropriate continuing care. (S8, S11, S12)
That plan should make clear who will support you, when the next contact will be and what to do if you feel worse. A referral alone doesn’t mean the next service has agreed to see you. Ask for help checking that the support you need is actually in place. You should not have to manage a safe transition on your own. (S7, S8, S12)
If you feel unsafe with your current therapist, another qualified professional can help you plan a safer change. Taking care with an ending should support your choices, without pressuring you to remain in unsafe or unhelpful therapy. (S8, S9)
It is also worth checking notice, payment or refund arrangements. If you want a final conversation, it can be a chance to look at what has helped, what you are taking with you and what comes next. (S8)
Moving to someone new, or asking for help again
Starting with another person can feel like a lot, especially if you’ve already told your story. You can ask how the handover will work and take the conversation at a pace you can manage.
“What information would be shared, and with whom? Could I check it first?”
Ask about consent and the limits of confidentiality, as well as the plan for continuing care. You can decide how much to say in an initial enquiry and ask what the new clinician will need to know for safe care. Check whether an appointment is confirmed, what happens at the first meeting and what it will cost. The questions about finding care may help you prepare. (S7, S12)
You can also ask for help again after therapy has ended:
“I finished a while ago, and I’d like to talk about coming back, or about what else might help.”
Needs change. Asking again is all right. A previous therapist may not have space, or a different kind of support may suit you better now, so it helps to ask about the options. (S8)
Someone to think it through with
It can be very helpful to talk with someone you trust, or with your GP, family doctor or another qualified professional. You don’t have to work it all out before you speak. (S6, S7, S11)
To someone you trust: “Could you listen while I think this through? I don’t need you to decide for me.”
To a doctor or another professional: “I’m in therapy, but I’m not sure it’s helping. Could we look at my options?”
Choose whom to talk to, when and how much to share. One question or one part of the story can be enough to begin.
These are optional starting points for adults in voluntary therapy or counselling. They cannot assess your treatment or replace individual professional advice. Services, costs and rules vary by place. This website also offers therapy, but you are welcome to read the free information and independent sources without contacting the practice.
If you are in immediate danger or cannot keep yourself safe, contact local emergency services. For urgent mental health needs, seek local urgent clinical or crisis support. A routine appointment or message is not emergency care.
If you would like to read more: recognising and repairing difficulties in therapy.
Free to read and share by link. All rights reserved.
© 2026 Dr Jonathan Haverkampf
More free guides at jonathanhaverkampf.com
Starting a conversation, at your pace
Wanting connection and feeling anxious can happen together. These are words to adapt, not lines to perform. One small, welcome exchange can be enough for today.
1. Choose a manageable beginning
In a setting where conversation is welcome: "Hello, how are you finding the event?" A greeting may be enough. Let the other person choose whether to engage. (S2)
2. Follow what they actually say
"You mentioned a new project. What do you enjoy about it?" One ordinary question can give the conversation somewhere to go. You do not need to fill every silence. (S2, S3)
3. Give yourself a moment
"Give me a moment to think." Or: "Would it be all right to talk somewhere quieter?" Keep the communication and access supports you need.
4. Clarify or repair
"I may have misunderstood. Did you mean…?" Or: "That came out differently from what I intended. May I try again?" A conversation can include a correction.
5. Finish kindly
"It was good to talk. I am going to head off now." Either person may pause or leave. A short exchange does not have to become a friendship or date.
Choose steps that fit your circumstances. Eye contact, touch, speech and disclosure are not requirements. If a situation is unsafe, the useful next step may be leaving or seeking support.
Dating, messages and the thoughts afterwards
You do not have to become fearless to consider a small step you want. Your comfort and the other person's freedom to choose both matter.
An invitation with room for an answer
"I have enjoyed talking. Would you like to meet again?" Keep the invitation clear. If the answer is no, you can say: "Thank you for letting me know." You do not need to persuade them.
A pace that feels right for you
"I would like to get to know you slowly." Or: "I would prefer to meet in a public place." Keep genuine safety arrangements, such as your own way home. These are not obstacles to overcome.
When a reply has not arrived
You may not know what the delay means. You can acknowledge the worry without deciding that your feared explanation is a fact. If useful, return to an ordinary activity for a while. This is an option, not a rule about how long anyone must wait.
When you replay the conversation
Try one brief, kind question: "What did I actually hear, and what am I guessing?" Then choose what needs attention now. You do not need a verdict on your worth or repeated checking until you feel certain. (S2)
Respect the ending
A clear refusal or request for space should be respected. No response is not agreement. You may also decide not to continue, without providing personal details.
These original examples are not tested dating techniques or a treatment programme. Adapt them to culture, disability, communication preferences and safety. You do not need a romantic relationship to deserve connection.
When you or someone else needs support
We all need other people at times. Support can begin with ordinary kindness, while leaving room for privacy, limits and professional care.
Ask for the kind of support you want
To a trusted person: "I have been overthinking a conversation. Could you listen for a few minutes? I do not need you to work out what the other person thinks." You choose how much to share.
When someone opens up
"Thank you for telling me. Would listening, some company or help with a practical next step be useful?" Listen without pressing for details or trying to make them feel positive. (S3)
Care can include a limit
"I care about you. I can talk for a little while, and I may not know all the answers." Do not promise constant availability. You can help someone look for appropriate support with their agreement. (S3)
Ask a qualified professional
If anxiety persists, becomes overwhelming or limits everyday life, a local primary care clinician or qualified mental health professional can help assess what is happening and discuss options. (S2, S5)
Words for that conversation
"Fear before and after social situations is taking up a lot of my day. Could we discuss support or treatment?" You can use the appointment prompts in the appointment section above. (S1, S2)
If someone is unsafe or abusive, you do not have to disclose more, reconcile or practise approaching them. Choose a safer person or specialist support. Supportive conversation does not replace indicated treatment or emergency care.
A short appointment prompt sheet
You do not need a perfect explanation to ask for help. Choose one prompt, leave the rest, or show these words to a qualified professional.
One concern I want to mention
What has changed, when did it begin, and how is everyday life affected? A few words or one example is enough. (S1)
One question I want answered
For example: "What are my options, and what might the next step involve?" You can ask about costs, waiting times and lower-cost local support.
Before we finish
"Could we write down the plan, when to review it, and whom I should contact if things get worse?"
You might ask for more time, an interpreter, a quieter setting, written information or a trusted companion. Ask what is available. You can request time alone and ask about confidentiality and its limits.
Nothing needs to be completed or submitted before you seek help. Keep any personal notes private.
A companion for work, study and everyday needs
If you know what would help but find it hard to ask, try explaining a practical need when you feel anxious. It offers short requests, space to pause, privacy choices and a route to professional support. This is a separate free web guide; the four PDFs above are unchanged.
More support for connection
Explore building a social life and friendships or dating at your own pace. Both offer examples and optional personal plans to use alone, with someone you trust or alongside therapy.
For the moments after a conversation, or when words will not come: When you replay a conversation and When your mind goes blank.
Support, sources and using these pages
Adult educational prompts. Sources checked and content approved 21 October 2026; support lines checked 25 October 2026.
If help cannot wait
For immediate danger or inability to stay safe, contact local emergency services now. For urgent mental health needs, seek your local urgent clinical or crisis service. Do not wait for a routine appointment or a website reply. Someone to listen, day or night: in Ireland, Samaritans 116 123 or text HELLO to 50808; in the UK, Samaritans 116 123; in the US and Canada, call or text 988; in Australia, Lifeline 13 11 14; elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists free helplines by country.
Limits and local fit
These original prompts draw on the sources below. They are educational options, not a diagnostic questionnaire, validated intervention or complete treatment. No particular suggestion suits everyone. Professional services, costs and confidentiality rules vary by place.
Independent sources
The starting words are original examples, not quotations or tested treatment scripts. Sources were checked on 21 October 2026; a source check is different from a source’s own clinical review date.
- NIMH: Talking with a health care provider (S1). Preparing a concern or question, asking for clarification, and an optional trusted companion.
- NHS: Social anxiety (S2). Smaller chosen steps, listening to what is said, and seeking care when anxiety affects daily life.
- NHS: Helping others with mental health problems (S3). Listening, optional support, practical help, personal boundaries and professional support.
- WHO: Doing What Matters in Times of Stress (S4). Link to official language and audio options for stress support.
- NIMH: Social anxiety disorder (S5). Professional care for impairment, optional trusted support, compassion and proportionate description of pre/post-interaction anxiety.
The NHS social-anxiety page displays a review date of 17 May 2023, with its next review overdue. We also checked the NIMH guidance revised in 2025. Service and crisis arrangements in those sources apply to their own countries.
Sources for Is this helping?
Sources checked 3 November 2026. The starting words are original examples. These sources support the guidance; their service arrangements and professional rules apply to their own countries.
- S6 — Mind: How to get the most out of therapy and counselling. Feedback, adjustments, endings and options when therapy is not helping. UK information.
- S7 — NICE NG197: Shared decision making, especially section 1.2. Support with choices, accessible information, time to decide, agreed plans and review. UK healthcare guidance; it does not establish worldwide legal rights or guarantee service availability.
- S8 — BACP: Ending therapy, client information sheet, October 2024. Planning endings, continuing support, future contact and advance payments. UK professional context.
- S9 — BACP: Get help with counselling concerns and What happens when therapy goes wrong?. Independent information, alternatives and the distinction between guidance, a service’s procedure and the complaints process for BACP members.
- S10 — IACP: Making a complaint. Ireland; membership, eligibility and procedural conditions apply.
- S11 — United States, National Institute of Mental Health: Psychotherapies and Help for Mental Illnesses. Goals include improved daily functioning and quality of life. Discuss progress and alternatives; speak with a health care provider before stopping treatment.
- S12 — Canada, Centre for Addiction and Mental Health: Psychotherapy, particularly its questions about good treatment, progress and discomfort with therapy. Agreed goals, reviewing benefit and arranging other care when changing therapists.
- S13 — Australia, Healthdirect: Psychotherapy — types and benefits. What you want to achieve, expected benefit, feedback and considering a different approach.
- S14 — United States, licensing boards: ASPPB’s Contact a Licensing Board and Filing a Complaint; NAMI’s How do I file a complaint against my psychiatrist/psychotherapist?. The appropriate board and procedure depend on the profession and jurisdiction; agency processes may also apply.
- S15 — Canada, regulators: Canadian Psychological Association, Reporting Unethical Behaviour and Provincial and Territorial Regulatory Bodies; College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario, Filing a Complaint. Different professions have different routes; CRPO also explains support and information-sharing during its process.
- S16 — Australia: Ahpra, How to raise a concern and Other health complaints organisations; PACFA, Make an ethical grievance or complaint; Australian Counselling Association, Lodging a Complaint. Routes depend on the profession, registration or membership, location and concern.
- S17 — New Zealand: Health and Disability Commissioner, Making a complaint, and the Nationwide Advocacy Service, which offers free support with concerns about health and disability care.
Related writing and guides
- Dating anxiety: practical communication and next steps
- Communication: related writing by Dr Jonathan Haverkampf
- All free resources
Sharing these resources
Version 1.1 – 26 October 2026. You may print and share unchanged blank copies of the printable sheets. Articles and web guides, including Is this helping?, are free to read and to share by link. Please keep the website address, date and source notes, so others can find the sources and more free information. This permission does not cover linked third-party materials. Keep personal notes private.
Would you like to talk with someone? Dr Jonathan Haverkampf offers psychotherapy and counselling for adults on Dame Street in Dublin 2, or by video call where suitable. You are welcome to find a time that suits you.
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