Short answer: Low libido means a lower level of sexual desire than feels usual or wanted for you. It can be linked with stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship strain, life stage, sleep, physical health, hormones, substances, or medication effects.
Education and safety note. This page is for general information. It cannot diagnose you, assess your individual risk, or replace care from a qualified professional. If you may be in immediate danger, cannot stay safe, or may harm yourself or someone else, contact local emergency services or crisis support. In Ireland, call 112 or 999, go to the nearest emergency department, or read the HSE urgent mental-health guidance. Medication decisions need to be discussed with a qualified prescriber.
Why It Can Be Complicated
Sexual desire is not just a switch inside one person. It is affected by safety, trust, communication, grief, resentment, shame, body image, fatigue, pain, medical conditions, pregnancy and postnatal change, menopause, medication, and past experiences. It can also be affected by pressure to feel or perform in a particular way.
Talking about different levels of desire
Choose a time when neither person is being asked to have sex. You might say, “I would like us to talk about what feels comfortable, without deciding that we have to do anything tonight.” Another starting point is, “I miss feeling close, and I do not want either of us to feel pushed.” These are examples to adapt, not a script you need to get right.
Try separating the questions: what has changed in your own experience, what each person wants from closeness, and what kinds of affection feel welcome. A difference in desire does not create an obligation to have sex. If a conversation brings threats, intimidation or fear, seek support separately rather than trying to resolve it through better wording. The HSE explains abuse and routes to support.
Could medication or physical health be involved?
Yes. The NHS guide to low sex drive describes several possible contributors, including stress, relationship difficulties, health conditions and some medicines. If the change worries you, or you think a medicine is involved, speak with your GP. Medication decisions need to be discussed with a qualified prescriber; do not change prescribed treatment on your own.
You can bring a few observations to that appointment: when you noticed the change, whether there is pain or another physical symptom, and whether anything changed around the same time. You do not have to settle on a cause before asking for help.
When To Get More Help
- The change is sudden, persistent, or distressing.
- There is pain, erectile difficulty, hormonal concern, medication change, or another medical question.
- Sex has become linked with fear, trauma memories, coercion, pressure, or avoidance.
- Relationship conflict, silence, resentment, or shame is making it harder to talk.
- Depression, anxiety, burnout, or substance use is also present.
How Psychotherapy Can Fit
Therapy may help by making the conversation less blaming and more understandable. It can explore anxiety, communication, self-criticism, trauma, boundaries, values, and relationship patterns. Medical and medication questions need to be discussed with a GP or qualified prescriber.
Related Pages
- Relationship problems
- Orgasm anxiety: fear, pressure and getting help
- Counselling for couples
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Trauma
- Make an appointment
- How this mental health information is written and reviewed
- Disclaimer
Sources and review. Reader guidance updated on 10 September 2026; the NHS low-sex-drive and HSE abuse-support guidance linked here were checked for this update. This page is educational and uses public-health, guideline, professional, or medicine-information sources where clinical claims are made.