Counselling for couples is a confidential conversation, with both partners present, aimed at understanding what is happening in the relationship and finding ways forward that feel workable for both people. It is not a place where one partner is blamed and the other defended. It is a place where the patterns between two people can be looked at carefully, gently, and with curiosity — including the parts that are hard to talk about at home.
Couples counselling sessions with Dr Jonathan Haverkampf are available in person in Dublin city centre and online by Zoom where it is clinically suitable.
When couples counselling can help
People come to couples counselling for many different reasons, and there is no requirement that things be in crisis before reaching out. Common reasons include:
- Communication that has become stuck, repetitive, painful, or distant.
- Frequent or escalating conflict that does not seem to resolve, or arguments that loop on the same themes.
- A loss of closeness, intimacy, warmth, or sexual connection.
- Recovery from an affair, a betrayal, or a serious breach of trust.
- Difficulty making a major decision together — about moving, work, children, family, or the future of the relationship itself.
- Parenting differences, blended-family stress, or co-parenting tension.
- Adjusting to a major life change — a new child, a loss, redundancy, illness, retirement, or relocation.
- Anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, or grief in one or both partners that is affecting the relationship.
- Cultural, religious, family-of-origin, or value differences that have become harder to bridge.
- Working out, together, whether to continue, change direction, or part respectfully.
You do not need to share a clear “problem statement” before starting. Often the first useful piece of work is putting language to something that has been hard to name.
What a couples session involves
Couples counselling means both partners are in the session, in the room or on the call together. It is not a place where one partner gets a “diagnosis” and the other is the support person. It is a shared space, and the goal is usually a better understanding of the patterns between two people — what triggers them, what keeps them going, and what could be different.
The work often involves:
- Listening carefully to how each partner sees what is happening.
- Looking at the cycles that play out — what one partner does, how the other responds, and how that response shapes the next round.
- Noticing what each person is needing, fearing, hoping for, or trying to protect.
- Working with communication — not just what is said, but timing, tone, repair, and what tends to go missing.
- Drawing on each partner’s strengths and the relationship’s history of getting through difficult things before.
- Practising new ways of speaking, listening, or pausing, and reviewing how those go between sessions.
Sessions usually run for fifty minutes. Some couples come for a few sessions to address a specific concern; others come for a longer piece of work. The pace and length are decided together.
What couples counselling can and cannot do
Couples counselling can help two people understand each other better, communicate more clearly, and find ways through stuck patterns. For many couples, it eases distress, improves closeness, and supports better decisions about the relationship.
It is also honest to say what couples counselling is not. It is not a guarantee that a relationship will continue, nor is it a verdict on whether it should. It is not a place where the counsellor takes sides, allocates fault, or hands down a fix. It is not a substitute for individual therapy where that would be more useful, and it is not a substitute for medical care, safeguarding services, legal advice, or emergency support.
For some situations — including ongoing abuse, coercive control, or one partner being unwilling to engage in good faith — couples counselling is usually not appropriate as the first step. In those situations, separate individual support, safeguarding routes, or specialist services tend to be safer.
If you are considering individual therapy instead
Some people come to therapy on their own to work on a relationship — perhaps because the other partner is not ready, or because there is something they want to think about first by themselves, or because what they need is individual support that happens to touch on the relationship. Individual psychotherapy and counselling can be a very useful place for this. The relationship problems hub and the anxiety hub may also be useful starting points.
How to make an appointment
You can book a session through the appointment page. If you would like to ask a brief practical question first — about availability, online versus in-person, or whether couples counselling is likely to be a good fit — you are welcome to use the contact page. Please keep first contact brief and practical, and avoid sending detailed personal histories through ordinary website routes.
For information about session fees, see the fees page.
If you are in crisis, or someone is unsafe
This page is not an emergency or crisis service. If you, your partner, or someone in your household is in immediate danger, or feels unable to stay safe, please contact emergency services or a crisis support service now. In Ireland, you can call 112 or 999, the Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24 hours a day), or Pieta House on 1800 247 247. If you or someone in your relationship is experiencing domestic abuse, Women’s Aid Ireland can be contacted on 1800 341 900 and Men’s Aid Ireland on 01 554 3811. See also HSE urgent mental health guidance.
A short note on what this page is and is not
This page is general information about couples counselling and psychotherapy. It is not a diagnosis, not personalised clinical or relationship advice, and not a substitute for individual professional care. Suitability for couples work — and whether a particular concern is better addressed through individual therapy, specialist services, medical care, or legal/safeguarding routes — is decided through proper assessment, not through a webpage. A professional relationship begins only after it has been expressly agreed and the necessary clinical, consent, privacy, suitability, and practical arrangements have been made. See the disclaimer for more.