There is a certain confidentiality to couples counselling, with both of you in the room for the conversation. But do not mistake it for two people simply taking turns to put forward their side of things. The work is to get clearer about what is going on in the relationship and come up with something that is workable for you both. One partner is not there to be blamed while the other is defended; rather, the session takes a careful, gentle look at the patterns between you, even the ones you find hard to talk about at home.
Dr Jonathan Haverkampf offers couples counselling in person in Dublin city centre and online by Zoom where this is clinically suitable.
When couples counselling can help
People come for any number of reasons, and there is no need to wait until the relationship is on the point of breaking. Some of the more common issues include:
- Communication that has turned distant or painful, or is just stuck in a rut.
- Conflict that escalates without resolution, or arguments that go round in circles on the same old themes.
- A sense that warmth, intimacy, or sexual connection has been lost.
- The need to put things right after an affair or some other breach of trust.
- Parenting disagreements, co-parenting tension, or the stress of a blended family.
- Major life changes, whether a new baby, illness, redundancy, relocation, retirement, or loss.
- Anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, or grief in one or both partners where it is spilling over into the relationship.
- Value, cultural, religious, or family-of-origin differences that have become harder to bridge.
- Trying to decide as a couple whether to part ways, continue, or change course.
You do not have to come in with a tidy “problem statement” in hand. Sometimes the first order of business is to put words to something you have found hard to name.
Online couples counselling and relationship therapy
Online couples counselling, relationship counselling online and online marriage counselling may be possible where both people can take part freely, privately and safely. It is not simply an in-person session moved onto a screen: both partners need a private space, a stable connection and enough emotional safety for a fair conversation.
- Each person needs to be able to speak without being monitored or pressured.
- If coercive control, intimidation, domestic abuse or immediate danger is present, specialist local support is usually more appropriate than ordinary couples work.
- Online couples therapy can be useful for communication, conflict, trust, distance, life transitions and patterns that are easier to repeat than to understand.
- If one person mainly wants individual therapy, see the broader online counselling Ireland page or the main Dublin and online therapy page.
What a couples session involves
Both partners are present, in the room or on the call. This is a shared space to understand the dynamic between you, not a place for one person to be “diagnosed” while the other looks on. In the course of a fifty minute session, the work may include hearing how each of you sees what is happening, examining the cycles at play, seeing what you are each hoping for, fearing, or trying to protect, and working on communication in its entirety, from tone and timing to what tends to be left unsaid.
The work may also put to use the strengths you have and the fact that you have weathered difficult times before. Some couples need only a few sessions around a specific concern; others use the space for a longer piece of work. The pace and length are decided together.
What couples counselling can and cannot do
Couples counselling can help two people understand each other better, communicate more clearly, and find ways through stuck patterns. For many couples, it can ease distress, improve closeness, and support clearer decisions about the relationship.
It is also honest to say what couples counselling is not. It is not a guarantee that a relationship will continue, nor is it a verdict on whether it should. It is not a place where the counsellor takes sides, allocates fault, or hands down a fix. It is not a substitute for individual therapy where that would be more useful, and it is not a substitute for medical care, safeguarding services, legal advice, or emergency support.
For some situations, including ongoing abuse, coercive control, or one partner being unwilling to engage in good faith, couples counselling is usually not appropriate as the first step. In those situations, separate individual support, safeguarding routes, or specialist services tend to be safer.
If you are considering individual therapy instead
Some people come to therapy on their own to work on a relationship. This may be because the other partner is not ready, because there is something they want to think about first by themselves, or because they need individual support that also touches on the relationship. Individual psychotherapy and counselling can be a very useful place for this. The relationship problems hub and the anxiety hub may also be useful starting points.
How to make an appointment
You can book a session through the appointment page. If you would like to ask a brief practical question first, such as about availability, online versus in-person sessions, or whether couples counselling is likely to be a good fit, you are welcome to use the contact page. Please keep first contact brief and practical, and avoid sending detailed personal histories through ordinary website routes.
For information about session fees, see the fees page.
If you are in crisis, or someone is unsafe
This page is not an emergency or crisis service. If you, your partner, or someone in your household is in immediate danger, or feels unable to stay safe, please contact emergency services or a crisis support service now. In Ireland, you can call 112 or 999, the Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24 hours a day), or Pieta House on 1800 247 247. If you or someone in your relationship is experiencing domestic abuse, Women’s Aid Ireland can be contacted on 1800 341 900 and Men’s Aid Ireland on 01 554 3811. See also HSE urgent mental health guidance.
A short note on what this page is and is not
This page is general information about couples counselling and psychotherapy. It is not a diagnosis, not personalised clinical or relationship advice, and not a substitute for individual professional care. Suitability for couples work — and whether a particular concern is better addressed through individual therapy, specialist services, medical care, or legal/safeguarding routes — is decided through proper assessment, not through a webpage. A professional relationship begins only after it has been expressly agreed and the necessary clinical, consent, privacy, suitability, and practical arrangements have been made. See the disclaimer for more.